'Angel of Vengeance': Issue 1 Gets Good Critique

The prose of Issue 1 of Chaz's dark and adult graphic adventure series recently got some remarkably good feedback at www.authonomy.com, despite it being only the first part of the story, and without any of the integral artwork and design. The text was included in an online anthology entitled 'Read With Mother' (Part 2). Chaz has since departed that site, having not enough time, sadly, to do justice to his fellow writers' works, but came away with some great comments for the first part of Bosch and Aldaraia's twisted adventures:

FrancesK wrote:

"Angel of Vengeance - loved it. Though I can't see how it will translate into a graphic novel - will you leave out the descriptions? I'd give this 5 stars for the wing removal scene alone. That really got to me, having been an angel in the school nativity play age 5 and being unaware of anything - the audience, the other actors, the story - because of the intoxicating rustling of my enormous wings. Cool stuff, Chaz!"

Iso Nuys said:

"I can easily see an audience for this kind of novel, Chaz. The very beginning feels a bit of a trek at times. I like the informal interjections, but at the same time they do take you out of the moment. I think it probably gives you a bit of leeway to streamline some of these (the more biblical) first passages and get things moving a little quicker. There’s no doubt it’s nicely written, but the formal tone can feel leaden.

The wry humour works. The introduction of Bosch is wonderfully played out. I would give some consideration to what he is able to narrate and what he clearly can’t have witnessed first-hand. ‘This is where I come in,’ comes after a passage of description, and so the reader thinks, well, how does he know what just happened then? This is a very promising and fun read."

Bunderful said:

"This read like a cross between Danielle Trussoni's "Angelology" - and Terry Pratchett/Neil Gaiman's "Good Omens" - but darker. A combination of graphic yet lyrical description, comedy and sex. I'd like to see where you are going to take this... "

JS Watts said:

"I like the shift from epic, biblical language into chatty everyday demon.. Although written as a graphic story, it worked well as just pure, un-illustrated, and very smooth prose. The story had my attention and the characterization of Bosch worked well and was amusing. Not surprisingly, it is a very visual piece of writing.

Apart from a few nits note below, my only gripe is that it is clearly an extract. I like my short stories to have a beginning, a middle and an end. This has a beginning and a middle but no proper ending. I was left wanting more, which is a good thing, but I missed the satisfaction of a good conclusion. It isn’t really a story in its own right, but it is good writing."

The 'RWM' discussion forum, for those curious enough, is here. You can also sign up to the site for free - Chaz thoroughly recommends the site for those who enjoy reading and critiquing others works, many of which are of an astoundingly high standard. (Be wary of the 'popularity contest' culture therein, however.)

Issue 1 is still avilable for download as a full PDF file right here.

A Random Thought...

Don't you just hate it when you nod off over the laptop during a spot of writing or editing, and when you wake up you find you've filled 94 pages with the letter 'd'...?

Now Active on Livejournal.com

Chaz has recently started a new account to discuss writing and related matters over at Livejournal.com.

If you have an account there, feel free to add him. His profile page is right here.

Guest Post: 'Writing essentials’ by Morgen Bailey

It's been a while since we had a guest poster hre on FWB, but recently Chaz caught up with Morgen Baily (another insanely helpful fellow writer/blogger/etc) and invited her to contribute something.

So here's some helpful advice regarding writing style and technique, courtesy of Morgen:

American science-fiction novelist Jerry Pournell is reported to have said “I think it takes about a million words to make a writer. I mean that you're going to throw away.” I started writing for fun six years ago and more seriously three years ago and with three NaNoWriMo novels, one-and-a-half novels in between, three NaNoWriMo anthologies (a cheat on doing a novel this year but I still made the 50,000 words), part of a script, some poetry and loads of short stories under my belt, I’m pretty sure I’ve reached that target. How much of them I’ve thrown away I couldn’t tell you but it’s only a fraction, and if like me, you’ve dabbled before really knuckling down, you’ll feel better for it. It’s all about practice. If someone sat you in front of a piano, would they expect you to play a concerto? Would you expect that of yourself?

In my experience too many novice writers worry about finding their ‘voice’ and understanding their ‘craft’ early on. It can be a long journey, perhaps not as long as a million words, but as long as you write regularly (daily is the ideal but when does life afford that luxury?) you’ll get there… and here are a few basics to put in your suitcase:

• Probably the most used phrase when teaching writing is ‘show don’t tell’. If you have a character who is angry for some reason, saying ‘Andy was angry’ is a classic example of ‘tell’. Simply put, you’re not showing us how. If you wrote ‘Andy slammed his fist onto the table’ you are.
• Dialogue tags – it’s recommended that you can only go up to six pieces of dialogue (between no more than two people) without attributing it to someone. And there's nothing wrong with ‘said’. Don’t be tempted to look at your thesaurus and say ‘Andy postulated’. You could also avoid tags by another character saying “Oh Andy, that’s…” or in the description; ‘Andy laughed. “That’s…”
• Character names are important as we often get a sense of their personality by what they’re called. A Mavis is likely to be older than a Britney and would, usually, act differently. Avoid having names starting with the same letter; if you have a Todd talking to a Ted, the reader can easily get confused. Bill and Ted would be fine and as we know, they had a wonderful time back in the late 1980s.
• I’m a big fan of repetition… of not doing it. Unless it’s ‘the’, ‘and’ etc, a word should only be repeated if the second instance is to emphasise or clarify the first. For example, ‘Andy sat in the car. He beeped the horn of the car.’ You don’t need ‘of the car’ because we already know he’s in the car. If you said ‘Andy sat in the car. He beeped the horn and the car shook’ that would be fine because you’re clarifying that it’s the car and not the horn (because it’s the last object you mentioned) that’s shaking.
• Stephen King’s writing guide / autobiography ‘On writing’ has been the most suggested book in the interviews I’ve conducted. Amongst other things he’s notoriously against adverbs (‘ly’) and fair enough – in ‘completely dead’ you wouldn’t need the completely because dead says it all, and a character doesn’t need to be ‘sighing wearily’ because the sighing tells us enough, but adverbs are necessary in the right context. Again it’s all about clarification and fine-tuning.
• Every word has to count; does it move the story along or tell us about your characters? If not, the chances are it can be chopped.
• If you’re having trouble with a passage move on or leave it and return later with ‘fresh eyes’.
• Read. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your genre or not (one of my Monday nighters writes amazing sci-fi but has never read a word of it) but reading will help you see how a story is structured and balanced between dialogue and description; short sentences speed the pace, long passages slow it down.
• Join a writing group, get your work critiqued. Read your work out loud. It’s amazing what you’ll pick up when you hear it outside your head.
• Subscribe to writing magazines, go to workshops, literary festivals. If you really want to write immerse yourself in all things literary.

There are many more examples I could give you but all you need to remember is that it’s not about clever words (because that ends up becoming ‘purple prose’) but just getting pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard and having fun. When your characters take over (and they will) you’ll have the time of your life!

Morgen Bailey
http://morgenbailey.wordpress.com

The Proof Editor's Survival Checklist

Editing, schmediting, eh?

Yes, it can be a pain. But it's an essential one.

Let me start with my favourite author's quote, by Hemingway: "You never regret cutting anything out of a novel". And I never have, either – I probably have several novels' worth of excised material that wouldn't even make it into the most self-indulgent “director's cut”. Everyone edits a different way - I usually just bash down words first and then go back (repeatedly) and chip away, or add arms and legs, in what I call 'sculpturing' the writing.

Here's a few things I'd advise every writer to aim for in their editing:

i) keep it tight: don't waffle, stay on track. Don't do tangents. Consider 2 or 3 brief sentences over 1 long one. If you're stuck over a particular passage, try recording yourself reading it aloud, play it back, and see how it sounds then.
The ear (or indeed, the voice) often picks up on things that the eye doesn't.

ii) consider your vocabulary. Who's your audience? Are they likely to feel insulted, or intimidated, by your choice of words? That is, don't pepper your prose with Graeco/Latin highbrow terms if you're writing simple general fiction, or 'dumb down' either if you're aiming for a more sophisticated readership.

iii) avoid slang in the narrative voice - it's easy to slip it in, but it cheapens writing and makes it feel amateurish. Look out for it and kill it when you find it.

iV) cut down descriptive passages. Everyone writes them. But not everyone wants to read 'em. Readers need enough for the scene to be set, but not too much or they'll get bored and skim. Once they start that carry-on, you've lost them. On the other hand, don't skimp on setting - pick up on a few key points to suggest the mood, the surroundings, and how they relate to the characters. Be sure to consider all five senses - smells and sensations as well as sights and sounds.

v) Grammar, punctuation, spelling. Those three are so important, I'll repeat them: grammar, punctuation, spelling. Sounds picky, but it's not. Trust me, any serious pro editor/reviewer/book industry employee will bin anything that looks like it hasn't even been shown to a spell-checker. Ditto for paragraphing, layout, indents, etc. Reviewers will trash you for it - just check out some of the killer comments in the Self-Publishing Magazine (on serious, expensive ISBN'd books, not just typical Lulu fare). If you're aiming to be a pro, or stand alongside professionals, you have to look like you deserve to be there. Don't let down good writing and ideas by not tightening up the nuts and bolts.

vi) really READ what you've written. Don't skim passages, thinking “Oh, but I know this bit off by heart” - because you don't. If, like me, you tend to hammer out words fifty to the dozen to capture those valuable stream-of-consciousness seams of ideas, then chances are you'll miss out words, or even use the wrong word ('theres' and 'theirs' can often creep in unwittingly in a kind of subconscious word-association substitution type thang). Re-read such passages to death, to hone them and shape them to what they ought to be.

vii) dialogue. Less is more. Nothing reads more amateurish than two characters having a bitching argument for two pages which does nothing to either define character nor advance the plot. Yes, real people do talk like that, but as countless 'reality TV shows' over the years have shown, reality is actually incredibly boring. Drama, as Hitchcock said, is 'life with the dull bits cut out'. So identify all those dull bits, cut them out, and what's left ought to be a lot more interesting.
To see just how klunky and repetitive real dialogue can be, read the transcripts to JFK's tapes of the Cuban Missile Crisis meetings, or Nixon's Watergate tapes. Then watch one of the excellent movies based on those events, and see how completely different the dialogue runs.

Writing For Fun, Profit and Other Reasons...

Another guest post from Chaz - this time, over at Natasha Larry's Paranormal Wire page.

This was a little piece discussing the relative merits (and otherwise) of commercial writing, writing for personal pleasure, and whither the twin may met.

Read the full article here!

Thanks to Natasha for having me. Check out her page and her friends while you're over there!

Venus in Saturn: Sneak Preview

Something a little different: a taster of some content from Venus in Saturn, the soon-to-be-released prequel to Maranatha.

Wherein Inspector Jack Carpenter expresses his frustration with his top freelance CSI investigator, Vanessa Descartes, for going above and beyond the call of duty...

“You’ve gone and done what?”
Carpenter threw his pen to the desk in exasperation, though Vanessa knew he would have preferred to have stabbed it into her eye at that moment.
“Look, someone needed to get close to them.”
She had guessed that Carpenter might have had some quiet reservations about her activities that morning, but the volume of voice was far in excess of what she had ever feared. “Now, you can’t get any closer than being on the inside, can you? I won't be billing you for it. Call it freelance undercover work.”
“No. I'll tell you what I call it: sodding up our enquiry. You realise I can’t do anything for you in there? Any possible future sting or inside job we could have had planned, is out the window for as long as you’re involved with that shower? And if you make one slip - one wrong word - and blow your cover, then they could do a moonlight and then we're all stuffed! Or even worse – they suss you out, and you're the next one to end up gutted like a bloody kipper.
"Now think, Vanessa. If they’re involved, then we have to approach very carefully. And if they’re not involved and it’s just a coincidence, you’re gonna get yourself all stressed out over nothing. You can't be neutral and rational in there, because you have an emotional stake in all of this. Worst case scenario, anything you pick up gets thrown out as inadmissible, and there'll be no justice for Sandra.”
“Then why can’t you set up something, using me as a decoy?”
“Jesus, what did I just say? I know we all think they’re involved, in some kind of way. Whether they had anything to do with Sandra's death is up for debate, but you’ve already convinced yourself that they were responsible for what happened to your big sister as well.”
She shrugged, jerked her head. Not so much of a nod, more an acknowledgement of his words. “I’m still hoping I can be proved wrong.”
“But you’d prefer to be proved right. Because it gives you a rationale, someone to blame. Right?”
“Wrong. There's a connection somewhere in all of this, Jack, and I intend to find it. It combines me, my sister, this case, and this unorthodox religion on some level and if I don't get a better idea of where they're coming from, we may never solve this one. I've had weird shit happen all through my life when I never asked for it. It's time I went looking for some answers, to all of it.”
Carpenter's gnawed fingertips played a slow funeral march on the edge of his desk.
"You know, Vanessa, you're brilliant. You really are. You've helped me get results on every case I've worked with you in nearly two years. But sometimes, you really piss me off. Now get out, and don't come back until I call you, or you have some facts so hard, they could crack diamonds. Okay?"

Work-in-progress illustration for the above scene:


All content (c) C. Wood, 2010.